Thursday, October 27, 2011

The First Commandment

I've missed you guys. I don't have a lot to say, but let me just say that God has me on an incredible journey right now. A quiet walk. A time of growing and restoration. It was a painful start, and I feel a bit unsteady still, but when that comes upon me, I try to quiet my spirit and wait for Him to lead. That is a lesson I never learned, but am learning now. He has taken me off-road. We like to be on a path, but He likes us to trust in Him, and sometimes, I guess for me right now, He likes me still. Not moving, but actively waiting and searching Him out. This is not a time of sit and do nothing, but sit and wait on the glory of the Lord. Wait to be led. It's exciting. I can't wait to see what's on the other side. I am sorry for what I did that made Him yank me back into line like a small child being taught a lesson. I am sorry that I didn't listen. Didn't obey.

I feel like He's shining me up like a rock. You know those skipping stones, smooth, not too fat, round, and shiny. A treasure among the dirt and mud. To be used for pleasure. To watch it's beauty glide across the top of the water. What a simple joy. But not everyone can skip a stone. And not anyone on this earth or in all the Heavens except my Father, can make me a beautiful, useful, joy.

What I have learned so far is that our idols are not always easy to spot. They may be things that make us feel close to God. That we think are preparing us for war even, but even those things can not come before our Father. We must stay attuned to what He has for us, and obey Him and ALWAYS put Him first.

Love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, with all thy mind, and with all thy strength.

Love, B

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Worship Wednesday

When my oldest's step-sons heart was broken, I tried to ease his pain by relating life to one of his favorite things... roller coasters. I told him that God chose everything in his life, good or bad, just for him. And how special that was, that God the Creator of all would pick out peeks and valleys especially for us even though our life is but a vapor, a fleeting vapor. He still took the time to mold us, and love us, in the good and the bad. I later used it as a description for this blog because I am blessed by the roller coaster God has chosen for me.

I haven't written in a while because I was too hopeful and fearful at the same time,and life often does just get away from us. Really, just the roller coaster. God gives us ups, and He gives us downs. The downs often leave their mark. The pit of mystomach has been lifted up into the bottom of my throat, and all I can do is scrunch down and hold on. And Dear Lord, I am scrunched down and holding on to You.

Thank you to everyone who has prayed for us. Loved us. Cried for us. Our hearts are broken, but our love for our Father is not. I prayed for God's will and He willed our losses. I prayed God's will because His will is perfect, even in my pain, His will is perfect, and He will use this for His Glory. I don't know why we have had to suffer such large heartaches and small disappointments, or why we have had to suffer them all in such a short amount of time. But I will not let go of my Father's hand. I may not know what to say to Him right now, but Praise God I have an intercessor. I am washed in the blood, and the Son sits at the right hand seeking intercession for me, even when I can't find the words for my sorrow.

Please continue to pray for us. I'm not a big fan of roller coasters.

In loving memory of James Owens and our little angel.

Love, B